Four hours, the length of my new cancer treatment. About a week ago we found out that chemo (43 cycles) was no longer working for me and the cancer is growing again. This is a moment we knew was coming from the start, and I am grateful the chemo worked as long and as well as it did. For some, it works briefly or not at all, but I had a whole 22 months full of memories, full of life.

So today marks the beginning of the next step in my journey. Also not a cure, this new drug Zeno is a kind of target therapy drug tailored specifically for my rare NRG-1 mutation. Most everyone who has been on the drug before me reports minimal side effects and for that I am relieved. No more nausea (yay) and no more 48hr at home chemo infusion. But most importantly I pray, I pray that it works well and it works for a long time.

My doctor urged me not to be discouraged, that there are still other options on the table post Zeno. So instead of choosing sadness, anxiety and fear, which undoubtably have been taking up space in my mind for the past week, I am choosing to be encouraged and hopeful. Thankfully the chaos of raising two beautiful, young daughters doesn’t allow me to sit with my emotions for too long and keeps me thinking and moving forward. From the beginning I committed myself to the long game, that the only option I had was to live, and that has not changed.