My undergraduate degree is in Political Science, my master’s degree in Public Administration, so I have always held an interest in government. And today, whether you have a genuine interest or not, you cannot escape the news and it’s in everyone’s best interest to be in the know. Driving around town running errands, I always have news podcasts from various sources playing on loop. Perhaps some of the world’s problems are so much bigger, it helps me forget about mine for a moment, sad enough as that is. (Side Bar: unless I am in the car with my daughters then it is Disney songs on repeat or a new favorite soundtrack. Even Livvy can say Let it Go now 🥹)

As I write this, I am on chemo cycle 42 and lying in bed completely nauseated mostly due to the chemo, and also by the outlook of my future. Thanks to cancer research and a clinical trial performed just a few years back, there is now an effective and practically symptom free FDA approved drug I can switch to that has always been Plan B of my care plan. For 20 months I have been toughing it out on chemo, for fear of moving on to Plan B too quickly and reaching the end of my options too quickly. My doctor has always encouraged me to get as much mileage out of chemo that I can. And while I fear I have almost reached the maximum mileage due to tolerance of symptoms, I am even more fearful that new options will not be presenting themselves beyond Plan B because of the very real funding cuts to cancer research and the total elimination of funding for a pancreatic cancer specific research program.

So while politics is always a dirty game of who gets more taxpayer dollars, I never expected such drastic cuts to the most critical areas. I did not vote for Trump because I thought the funding of cancer research would remain status quo, and that wasn’t enough for me. And now I lay in bed defeated that this Administration couldn’t just leave well enough alone and had to make massive cuts instead. And for those of you thinking that the cuts are for efficiency, that all the funds were being misused, please know that there are now fewer clinical trials enrolling patients across all areas of medical research. And this will result in slowed progress for years to come, years that I do not have to wait.

Every drug I have taken (yes my current chemo regimen) that has literally saved my life was born out of a clinical trial. Individuals I know personally working in this space have confirmed my worst fears, and I feel for them, their colleagues doing this important work and patients of all diseases and illnesses whose lives are dependent on scientific research. So while I gear up to switch to Plan B, with limited proven and effective options beyond it, as in no Plan C, D, I can’t stay silent any longer. At 1:15am on a Thursday morning, I am not yet sure what my activism may look like, but I know staying in bed hoping someone else will fix the problem cannot be the answer.

Thanks for reading my early morning stream of consciousness and a huge thank you to all who donated to my PanCAN walk just last month.

And for those wondering, my cancer is stable! I am very fortunate that chemo is continuing to work to control the cancer. But I could really do without the nausea that is creeping back up, hence the potential switch to Plan B.

Goodnight All