The past few months have flown by. Livvy turned One in August and since then time seems to have sped up. Time is a weird concept to me ever since my diagnosis; I want it to slow down, almost freeze this moment in time, but every month that passes means that I have survived a bit longer and am on my way to beating the odds. For me, that means outliving the five year survival rate of 13%.

In September we celebrated Livvy’s first birthday with family and friends. Thinking about her first year of life always brings me to tears because it is such a bittersweet memory. Livvy thrived while being by cared for by so many in our village and I am so proud of her. But that is a period of her life where I took the backseat and I will never get those days back. While I struggle with guilt and sadness, I know that prioritizing myself and my health had to be done so I could be there for her for years to come.

Early in October my little family of four took a much needed vacation to Disney. This was the first time we were together, just the four of us. I can’t begin to articulate how appreciative I am of every single person who has helped us raise our girls the past 15 months, but it was something special to have a moment in time that was just us four, among the chaos. And not to sugar coat things, the trip was challenging. Two toddlers at Disney is not for the weary. But it was magical, just as Disney promises. I am beyond grateful to God that we can make these memories and that I am feeling well enough to do so. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my girls light up with a big bright smile – and there were plenty of smiles that week thanks to Elsa, Minnie and countless other friends. I am eternally thankful to my husband who willingly goes along with all of my plans and is up for any adventure.

Since our return from the most magical place on Earth, we’ve been enjoying this unseasonably beautiful fall weather. Apple picking, decorating pumpkins, park dates, and family birthdays are how we spent our weekends. Our lives have established a new normalcy, with chemo treatments sprinkled into the routine. Heading into treatment cycle 33, I still can’t fully wrap my head around this new normal, but remain ever grateful that the chemo has worked this well and continues to do so. If this is how I live the rest of my life, so be it; I just pray that it’s a long life I live.

As we celebrate this “Thankful” season, I certainly have plenty to be thankful for. The fact that I am spending another holiday season with my family is nothing short of a miracle. It’s been 15 months since my diagnosis and while I may be living on borrowed time, I like to see it as a renewed lease on life. This isn’t the end, but a new beginning with new intentions, new goals and new purpose. I may still be figuring things out as a I go, but I know motherhood is at the center of it all.

I am so grateful to all who have been there for us in one way or another. We have received so many acts of kindness from so many people and are so thankful for each and every one. During some of my darkest moments, my hope has been restored and renewed because of the kindness of others.

November also happens to be Pancreatic Cancer Awareness month. Feel free to share my story with friends, family, colleagues. If my story can help with early detection of any cancer or self advocacy, part of my new purpose is at work.